I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
