You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Randomize
