Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
