"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize