Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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