Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
