he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
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