people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
