i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
