Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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