Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
