Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize