fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
