I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
