Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Congratulations! We have a period
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