Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
