do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Randomize
