how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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