Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
