It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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