Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
