the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
