There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
