I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
