Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
