i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
