First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
