sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
