So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
