Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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