I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
