Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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