When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
