omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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