I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
