She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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