We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
