that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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