oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
