No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
please come you make the beer taste better
and i looked up. we had an audience...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
