the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
