1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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