I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize