Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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