She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
