i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
