The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
