I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
