that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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