i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
