You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
either way he was missing a nipple.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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