I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
home. puking in laundry basket.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My ass is underappreciated
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
