She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
