the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
