We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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