the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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