The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
