considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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