just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
