I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
