apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
