1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
