Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
