I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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